A Secret Disgrace

"For her father—a man who had wanted to travel and make the most of his personal freedom—marriage and the birth of a child had always been shackles he did not want. Because of that alone her attempts to command her father’s attention and his love had always been doomed to failure." - speaking to my heart 💔

The words straw, broke and camel’s back slid dangerously into her mind, lodging there like small yet effective barbs. - i can only imagine this became an analogy that had some truth to it. It is heartbreaking what man puts sentient beings through 💔💔💔

‘Here in this part of Sicily people live their lives to rules and customs that were laid down centuries ago. - we still do. People's customs, traditions and prejudices carry through despite the modern age.

‘You are risking your reputation with your behaviour,’ he had told her when she had accused him of jealousy later. ‘It is that which concerns me on your behalf.’ ‘What about Pietro?’ she had challenged him. ‘Isn’t he also risking his reputation?’ ‘It is different for a man—at least here in this part of the world,’ had been his answer. ‘Well, it shouldn’t be. Because it isn’t fair,’ she had told him, with all her own feelings about her relationship with her father intensifying her vulnerable emotions. - this guy was a confused, easily manipulated individuals by those who had malice in their hearts...

He had allowed her to be punished because the ease with which his desire for her had overwhelmed his self-control had been an almost unbearable blow to his pride. He hoped he had learned since then to recognise that strength came from acknowledging one’s vulnerabilities, not in trying to deny them. - what a coward...

Anger against the father who had treated his own child in such a way, pity for that child herself and guilt for his own part in Louise’s shaming and humiliation. Why had he not taken the time to look more deeply, to question more closely and see what he should have seen instead of closing his eyes to it? Did he really need to ask himself that question? Wasn’t the answer that it had been because he had been too wrapped up in his own fury against himself for wanting someone he had considered unworthy of his desire? - again, what a self-serving bastard 👎

RIP Penny Jordan