Harper L. Woods

For the ones who find freedom in the dark.

For the ones who find freedom in the dark.

“At least leave Mistfell. The guards aren’t far from here,” I said, grimacing at the smile she gave in return.

“And yet here you are, risking punishment by being out this time of night. I think you understand better than most why we must take the chance. There is beauty in knowing who you are, and in embracing that in spite of the potential consequences.

There was something deeply therapeutic about my rebellious little walks in the woods. Something appealing in the way they went against the strictures placed on me by a corrupt society that was so often determined to keep women pure and virtuous for the husbands who hadn’t even been chosen yet.

One day, sooner than I cared to acknowledge, my fate and my activities would be decided by my husband, and that was when the true horrors of my life would begin.

I’d learned long ago that, even though she couldn’t feel the impact when she fell, I felt the stain of those bruises on my heart if I failed to move carefully enough.

Instinct drove me to apologize, as if he had some Gods-given right to my body and it wasn’t truly my own.

I shoved that down, focusing on my lack of understanding. Focusing on the why.

I hesitated, sinking my teeth into my bottom lip. “I just wanted something that was mine. A choice I-I could make for once,” I explained. Confessing my sin in the Temple felt like the greatest crime, an apology for something I couldn’t force myself to regret; not when it meant that whatever husband they chose for me would be sorely disappointed in the wife he ended up with.

"Perhaps you like being the only one to—"

Loris interrupted my response, leaning forward to crush his lips to mine urgently. His brown eyes drifted closed the moment he touched me, as if some part of him settled when I didn’t speak any words to demean what we'd become to one another.

It wasn't love, but it was as close as the two of us would ever come; a rebellion against the life chosen for us where his duty demanded he never marry and mine condemned me to it.

Gentle hands raised to touch my waist, tugging me closer as I returned his kiss and leaned into his warmth. I knew it would be our last, that after I confessed Lord Byron knew about our tryst, he wouldn't want anything to do with me again.

He kissed me sweetly, making me believe for just a moment I might be worth something to a man in our world. I might be something special, if even only to one person.

He disappeared in the opposite direction on the path as I turned my back on him as well; both going our separate ways as we’d always known we’d need to one day. I hadn’t expected it to sting as much as it did, stripping me of any illusions I’d allowed myself for those few moments wrapped in his arms.

He’d been my safety for a few hours during each week, when we managed to find time together in secret while he was off-duty. He’d made me feel like I mattered—I was more than a broodmare and might be worth risking the consequences to be with—but Loris still turned his back on me without much regret.