The Overthinking Cure

If you catch yourself blaming someone, it’s time to get honest—are you expecting them to take charge of a problem that’s not really theirs to fix? If they are genuinely in the wrong (it happens!),

We can be more proactive when we stop daydreaming or thinking about “one day” or “if only”—again, we can take inspired action, right now, to empower ourselves.

My heart is beating fast > I must be nervous > I shouldn’t be nervous, I’ve done this a thousand times before > if I’m nervous there’s something wrong with me > and so on.
If you notice this happening, you can intercept and experiment with reframing sensations in different ways, thus creating some distance and bringing a calmer perspective on things.
Perhaps your heart is beating fast because you’re doing something new and exciting? Perhaps your heart is beating fast because you’re human and doing something a little nerve-wracking, and it’s all perfectly okay? To get this distance, however, requires we first slow down, notice what we’re doing, and then notice the places where we can make different choices.

“My heart’s beating really fast right now.”
“I feel disappointed that she said that.”
“I’m scared and I hate what’s happening.”
Importantly, just notice these things, without arguing, interpreting, analyzing, praising, or judging them. You don’t have to “accept” them either, just see that they’re there, and that’s that. Once you do, you can start to see that it’s your choice how you frame and interpret those neutral sensations.

Having perspective on a problem and viewing it from a distance doesn’t magically make problems go away or difficult feelings vanish. But it does allow you to temporarily get bigger than those problems, rather than have them overwhelm and swallow you. The problem remains the same, but when you can see it from different angles and when you can retain a degree of awareness, you will instantly feel calmer about it—and with this calm you can access more options.

Wait. It doesn’t have to be this way. Maybe I could deal with this argument in a different way than I usually do. Maybe I could calmly remove myself and take a few deep breaths.” This puts you straight into a proactive mindset and will dramatically lower your anxiety.

“I’m upset right now, but I’ll sleep on it and I know I’ll be thinking more clearly tomorrow morning.”

You’ll know it’s mental chatter when:
It goes round and round in a loop that never stops
It’s often negative/pessimistic
It prevents you from solving problems, rather than helps you
It makes you feel distracted and disconnected
It’s based in the past or future, and not the present
Most crucially: it increases anxiety while decreasing beneficial action

No More Daydreaming, No More Excuses

Underneath that, write down as many options and opportunities you can identify.