The Hippopotamus

There was a young girl from Costessey

Whose pubes were curly and glostessey

Her thighs and her arse

Were smooth as mown grass

And her cunt was dark, dank and mostessey.

Simon, for whom poetry is a closed book in a locked cupboard in a high attic in a lonely house in a remote hamlet in a distant land, kept saying to his friends, 'This is Uncle Ted.

Simon, for whom poetry is a closed book in a locked cupboard in a high attic in a lonely house in a remote hamlet in a distant land, kept saying to his friends, 'This is Uncle Ted. He's a famous poet. He

all the sewage engineers in London alone go on strike. Result? Turds and tampons flopping out your kitchen tap, your feet squelching in scum and ooze where'er you walk. Typhus, cholera, thirst and catastrophe. Hardship, discomfort, nuisance, impact and news-worthiness quotients? High.'

'Scenario A: all the poets in England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland go on strike. Result? It would be fourteen years before anyone outside Gordon Square or the offices of the TLS so much as noticed. Hardship, discomfort and nuisance quotient? Nil. Impact?

When push-off comes to shove-off, a man must have a reason to get out of bed in the mornings, something more than the threat of bedsores at any rate.

fuck my best boots

seat on the board, sports team, honorary committee membership, club, satanic abuse group, political party .

Stephen Fry

seat on the board, sports team, honorary committee membership, club, satanic abuse group, political party .

If you're a half-way decent human being you've probably been sacked from something in your time ... school,