It is important to note that building strong social capital does not require that all colleagues become best friends or even that everyone like one another all the time—this would be impossible. But what does matter is that there be mutual respect and authenticity. Coercing employees into awkward icebreakers or forced bonding activities, like making everyone at a meeting share something about their private lives, only breeds disconnection and mistrust.42 Better that these moments happen organically—which they will if the environment is right. The best leaders give their employees the space and time to let moments of social connection develop on their own.43 So the more physical spaces available to publicly commune, the better. When a CEO of one company saw that some of the best social connections—people laughing, swapping stories about their weekend, bouncing ideas off one another—were taking place on the stairwells, he actually expanded the stairways and put coffee machines on the landings to encourage this practice.
Time for team lunches and after-hours socialization is also crucial. Even the classically boring meeting, says Jane Dutton, can be designed in a way to foster high-quality connections. Meeting practices that encourage member contribution and active listening foster group commitment. One of the best managing directors I know makes his meetings Blackberry-free, so that all eyes are on one another at all times. He is an example of a leader Dutton would call “relationally attentive.”44 The more attentive we are to the relationship dynamics of our teams, the better.
If our goal is to foster team cohesion, the language we use matters. Remember the difference in group cooperation when a task was termed the “community game” instead of the “Wall Street game”? We can promote social connection at work just by using language that implies a common purpose and interdependence. Dutton also recommends that we work on being present, both physically and mentally.45 That means when someone walks into your office to talk, don’t stare at your computer screen. When someone calls you on the phone, don’t keep typing that e-mail.