White Jacket Required

Never before had my life been so spontaneous . . . and scary. I pulled out the Coelho book and read as my plane crossed the sky.
Whenever we need to make a very important decision, it is best to trust impulse and passion, because reason usually tries to remove us from our dream, saying that the time is not yet right. Reason is afraid of defeat, but intuition enjoys life and its challenges.

“I know. Thanks, Dad. It’s going to be fine, I promise. You are only a phone call away, and I’ll see you again before we know it.” I said this without really knowing when the next time would be. We pulled into the terminal, and my dad stopped by the curb.
He lifted my suitcases from the trunk, and I hoisted my backpack up over my shoulders. “Well, I guess this is it!” I said and gave him a long, tight hug.
“You be safe now, you hear? I love you.” My dad had tears in his eyes, and I realized that this was only the second time I had ever seen him cry.
“I love you, too. I’ll call you this afternoon,” I said and watched him walk away and get back into the car while I was left standing there with my life stuffed into two bags and a backpack, waiting for a plane to take me west.
Once on the plane, I sat back in my seat and took a very deep breath

Adam had also been offered a job in the wine industry and had accepted as well. Over the weeks our friendship had blossomed via long phone conversations and lengthy emails, and we both couldn’t wait to spend more time getting to know each other and exploring Northern California together. Ironically, Rocky would be Adam’s new intern, so the three of us would all be together again. Since the guys were moving there before I was, they offered to let me crash on their futon until I found a place of my own. I gratefully accepted, laughing to myself at the craziness of the situation.
In five days I would be taking my second-ever cross-country flight from Florida, this time to move my entire life. Funny, the thoughts that run through your mind when you are packing up your old life for a new one—the things that you keep, the things that define you, and the things that hold you back.

I felt like I was losing myself more and more. And the relationship you have with yourself is the one that you really can’t afford to lose.
About a week after I got home, I made a dinner of oven-fried chicken with a homemade honey mustard glaze and a side of pan-roasted broccoli. When we sat down to eat, though, I barely said a word as I carefully separated the meat from the bone.
“You’re pretty quiet tonight,” Rob observed. “Everything okay?”
“Yep, everything is fine.” I answered quickly. We both knew everything was not fine.
Finally, after moving my broccoli around from one side of the plate to the other, I started to cry.
“Jenna! What’s the matter? Are you thinking about your brother?” Rob moved closer to me and put his arm around my shoulders. I felt horrible.
“I just . . . I just . . . ” I couldn’t seem to get functional words out. “Rob, I just am having second thoughts. About us. I’m sorry . . . I don’t know what else to say.”
Rob just looked at me in disbelief. “What in the world are you talking about?” he almost shouted. I looked down at my chicken and brushed away a tear.
“I don’t know. I don’t know. I just don’t feel right. It’s not you; it’s me. Something is wrong with me. You’re perfect and what every girl dreams about!” I wanted to hold him but he had moved away from me and was now standing near the kitchen.
“Can we just think about this rationally?” Rob asked. “You know you don’t really want to do this, Jenna. We’ve been through so much together!”
“You’re right.” I said. “I don’t know what’s come over me. I think I just need to go to bed.” I felt horrible, but maybe he was right. Maybe I would feel differently in the morning and realize what a fool I was being.
But as I slid into bed that night, I knew in my heart that it was over. There was no going back now; my heart’s decision was made.
I told him the next morning. After he left for work, I packed up my some of my cookbooks that I kept at his condo, stacking one after another into brown paper boxes, ignoring all the tabs on the pages or the faded ink cursive that read Rob loves this dish! His first turkey burger! When he left that morning, I stood at the door with tears in my eyes but with nothing more to say, and he just turned his back and walked away.
Everything with Rob had always been so easy. I had never seriously thought that it wouldn’t work out, and we were as comfortable with each other as old married couples. Everything about him was familiar.
So after ending things with him, I deeply missed that sense of comfort. I felt lost, felt like I was drowning. The idea of California became a life raft, and I held on to it tightly. Not just the idea of California, but also the idea of Adam. He and I had been communicating more frequently lately, and as much as I hated to say it, or even think it, I knew deep down what had really happened. I had met someone new, and the possibilities of the unknown were too tempting to resist.
When I returned back to the doorstep of my parents’ house, cookbooks tucked under arm and pillow in hand, my mom let me in and wrapped me in her arms. “Matters of the heart,” she said, “are never, ever easy.” And then my friend Anne came over with three bottles of wine and chocolates

Rob was so excited to have me back, but thoughts of California and new opportunities consumed me. Adam and I had kept in pretty frequent touch through email, and I couldn’t help the strange feeling of connectedness I felt with him. It was as if I had known him forever, even though we had only met two weeks before.
In the end, I knew I couldn’t stay in Tampa; I couldn’t stay in that comfortable condo with the pool and the big kitchen and the man who loved me. It was hard to believe that just one weekend in California could bring about such a monumental shift

The flight home was long and exhausting and made me realize just how far away I really had been. When we landed around six in the morning, Rob was there waiting for me with open arms. I fell into his embrace and wondered if perhaps the past four days had only been a dream. Tampa seemed hazy and humid, and I could still smell the hotel shampoo in my hair. When we finally got home and I fell into bed, I felt more tired than I ever had in my entire life. I slept all the way into the afternoon, and when I woke up I stumbled around the condo, feeling like something was missing

I felt something change from deep inside. I dreaded going back home to the cramped condo I now shared with Rob, dreaded returning to my old life, where it felt like I did the same old thing every day. Not that my life was ever bad, but after experiencing something so new and wonderful, I knew nothing at home would be the same.
We spent the day at the beautiful Cambria wine estate, hiking through the vineyards and getting a whole tour of the winery. Finally, that evening, they put Adam and me into a limo headed for the Los Angeles airport; it was time to go home. We stretched out in the back and I arched my neck to see the city’s skyline through the smog.
“I don’t even know what to think right now; that was just crazy!” I said to Adam as I jokingly snapped his photo.
“I know. Who knows what the future holds! Ashley was talking to me a little bit about some interesting job opportunities today on the plane, so we’ll see. I love Austin, but California is such an adventure!” he said.
“They didn’t really talk to me about anything job related, and I’m still not quite sure why I’m involved in all this but, hey, I’m not complaining,” I said. “For my first time on the West Coast, I didn’t do half bad!” I laughed, thinking how crazy it was that just one week earlier I had been so far removed from everything out here. I didn’t even want to think about the red-eye flight I was about to take home.
The limo pulled up outside Adam’s departure terminal, and I got outside to give him a hug good-bye.
“Well, who knows. Maybe I’ll see you again one of these days in California!” he said. “Let’s definitely keep in touch; I’ve got some good blogging ideas up my sleeve for you.”
“Yeah, definitely. It was really great to meet you. Hopefully I’ll see you again one day!” I said and then he grinned, threw his backpack on, and walked away. A few seconds later, he looked back over his shoulder at me, and I smiled good-bye before hustling inside.
I made my way into the busy airport and changed out of my nice jeans and blazer into more comfortable clothes for my overnight flight. I wondered if Adam had made his flight on time and thought to text message him

Sunday was the final day of the weekend activities and also the day of our big interviews. Somehow I was picked to go first, and I was glad to get it out of the way. I had bought a new dress for the occasion and was downstairs eating my new favorite granola with yogurt and a hard-boiled egg when Adam walked by.
“I’ve been up since 5:30 this morning filming this clip with Greg and Casey,” he said. “I just wanted to say good luck! I’ll be interested to hear how it goes. I’m going last.”
“Thanks! I’m actually pretty glad that I’m going first and then have the whole day to relax,” I replied. “The hotel pool might be calling my name.”
Adam laughed. “Well, I’ll catch you later. Here’s my number if you want to grab something to eat when you’re done.” He wrote on a napkin, and I punched the number into my Blackberry.
The interview was pretty standard. I got asked a bunch of questions about the blog and how I felt I could best promote the company if I were given the job. Interviews have always been one of my strengths, and I ended this one as I always do, with a firm handshake like the one my dad taught me when I was a little girl.
I thought about calling Adam afterward to tell him how it went, but I held off and called Rob instead. He answered after one ring with an excited tone. “Hey! How did it go? I bet you rocked it. I miss you so much!”
“Hi!” I responded. “It went well, I think. I’m just glad I went first. I got to say everything I wanted to say and feel pretty good about it.”
“That’s fantastic. They would be crazy not to want to hire you.”
“Well, don’t get your hopes up. Regardless, this has been such a great experience and I feel like I’ve made some really good friends!” I almost mentioned Adam but bit my tongue. Technically there was nothing between us, and of course I was allowed to have friends who were guys, but I decided not to even go there. “Hey, Babe, I gotta run though. I’m starving and then have to meet with my group about cooking tonight.”
“Okay, I love you!” Rob said, and I clicked my phone shut.
I decided to grab a sandwich on my own and headed over to Oakville Grocery, a homey spot with a large outdoor fireplace and a wine bar inside. All the sandwiches looked delicious, and I was suddenly famished. I chose chicken and Gruyère on a French baguette, and while I was sitting outside my phone buzzed with a text message from Adam. Just finished my interview. Starving . . . lunch? I replied to tell him where I was and then sat back in my chair in the sunshine.
“Hey!” he called as he walked up to the table. “I’m so hungry . . . let me go inside and grab a sandwich.” He came back about ten minutes later with the same sandwich I had ordered and a bottle of iced tea. Noticing me squinting in the sun, he handed me his red aviator sunglasses. I put them on and smiled.
“So, how did it go?” I asked as he dug into his sandwich.
“Great! My approach is to just always be myself in situations like that. This is just between us, but I think there might be a few other opportunities open for us other than this Murphy-Goode job,” he said.
“You think? Like what?” I asked him.
“Well, I don’t know exactly . . . but they sort of hinted to me that there was something else available. Let’s just say tomorrow will be very interesting. By the way, this sandwich is amazing. Do you want a bite?”
“No thanks; I actually just finished the same thing. I love Gruyère!”
We sat outside for another twenty minutes discussing the dinner we were going to make for the group that evening. It turned out we would be cooking for twenty-five people, which was more than I ever had cooked for in the past. I suggested something that could easily be made for a large group, like risotto, and it went from there. Eric was also on our team and said he would make teriyaki steak; I would make my mushroom risotto, and Adam was in charge of dessert. I thought to myself that this was going to be really good. Having a degree in baking and pastry always made me very curious to taste other people’s desserts, and as much as I hated to admit it, I usually judged them on it. Adam seemed to be good at whatever he did, so I was very curious to see how he managed on the dessert front.
Later that afternoon, Adam and I cooked alone in the kitchen while the rest of our group mingled outside. We both were quiet, focusing on our tasks at hand, but the silence wasn’t awkward in the least. An hour or so later, we served the finished products to our guests, who raved about both the risotto and the Mexican cheesecake Adam had whipped up. Hmmm, I thought, the guy can bake! I made a mental note to later ask him to email me the recipe so I could re-create it at home.
The next morning was filled with nervous energy as the ten of us crowded under the tiny gazebo in the park, waiting for Dave to announce who had been chosen for the job. I laughed and joked with Rocky and Carrie and then we all took our seats and Dave picked up the mic.
“I can’t even express what an awesome time it’s been getting to know these ten talented people from around the country. I wish we could hire all of you, but my boss told me only one or else I lose my job.” The crowd broke out in laughter. “So, without anything further, I’d like to welcome Casey as our new Wine Lifestyle Correspondent!”
We all broke out in applause as Casey stood up to give Greg a big hug. Honestly, I was only a little bit disappointed that I wasn’t the one hired. Overall, I felt intense gratitude that I had made it this far and been able to take part in such a fun weekend. I gave Casey a hug afterward and knew that the absolutely perfect person had been chosen for the position. Then, suddenly, I felt an arm on my shoulder and looked up to see the face of one of the women on the PR team for Kendall-Jackson, another California winery owned by the same parent company as Murphy-Goode.
“Jenna, can I talk to you for just a moment?” she asked. I couldn’t believe what she told me next. They wanted me to fly down to Southern California the next day to visit another Jackson family winery. My travel arrangements would be taken care of, and Adam would be accompanying me.
I waited about an hour before calling Adam to see what in the world was going on. Everyone else was going home that afternoon but we would be staying and traveling together the next day. It didn’t even make sense. Adam answered the phone with excitement.
“Ready for tomorrow?” he asked.
“I have no idea what’s going on!” I responded.
We chatted for a few minutes, and then I told him I was exhausted and going to bed early.

I thought of Rob back home. He continued to be incredibly sweet and encouraging, and I felt a tiny stab of guilt for feeling attracted to Adam. I didn’t even know Adam, but I wondered if perhaps he felt the strange bit of electricity when talking to me, too. The night was capped off with a round of liar’s dice, the game the wine was named after. Around midnight I said good night to all my new friends and headed back to my hotel room, where I slept for the first time in California.

She ushered me to the back of the room and told me that Adam and I were to pour Merlot together for the next two hours.
“Hey!” Adam called out as I got myself situated behind the counter. “Looks like it’s you and me again.”
I laughed. “Yep, they must think we work well together or something. So what exactly are we supposed to be doing? Just pouring and mingling with people?”
“Yeah, we’re going to meet a bunch of people,” he said. “I hope you don’t mind that I’m live-streaming this on the website I made for the trip—I thought it would be cool to show us actually ‘working.’” Then his tone grew more serious. “I know this isn’t the best time to talk about this, but I also wanted to tell you how sorry I am about your brother. I read about him online. What a terrible tragedy.” He looked down at the tattoo on my wrist. “I love your tattoo.”
“Thanks,” I said. “It’s been really hard, but I just try to stay busy . . . ” I let myself trail off. “It’s hard to explain.”
“Tell me about it. My girlfriend passed away a few years ago. I know it’s not the same as a sibling, but I sort of know how you feel. It sucks.” Adam’s voice was sincere and he looked me straight in the eyes.
“Gosh, I’m sorry. I had no idea. I can imagine. But you’re right; I guess you do sort of know how I feel. It’s hard to explain to someone who’s never lost anyone close to them.” I looked away because I felt like at any moment I might start to cry.
“Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that. We should chat further this weekend. I feel like we have a lot in common.”
“I’d like that. Shouldn’t be so hard, since these folks have paired us together for basically everything!” I said, laughing, before turning to a customer who had just set his empty wineglass on the counter before me.
The next two hours flew by as Adam and I worked together, chatting with customers and telling many of them about our interview process. By the time five o’clock rolled around, I was tired of being on my feet and was thankful for the hour to rest before cocktails and dinner. I secretly hoped I would run into Adam again in the lobby before heading to dinner, but he was nowhere to be found. I couldn’t even remember the last time I felt so connected with someone, and I ached for more conversation.
Dinner was created by Team One and consisted of juicy mini-hamburgers stuffed with creamy goat cheese, grilled vegetables, chicken schnitzel, and an Asian-style cucumber salad, prepared by Rocky, who, it turned out, had a major flair for Japanese cuisine.