Maybe You Should Talk to Someone

People often mistake numbness for nothingness, but numbness isn’t the absence of feelings; it’s a response to being overwhelmed by too many feelings.

We tend to think that the future happens later, but we’re creating it in our minds every day. When the present falls apart, so does the future we had associated with it. And having the future taken away is the mother of all plot twists. But if we spend the present trying to fix the past or control the future, we remain stuck in place, in perpetual regret.

All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”

What kind of person gets away with simply not wanting to look?

the American Psychological Association published a paper called “Where Has All the Psychotherapy Gone?” It noted that 30 percent fewer patients received psychological interventions in 2008 than they had ten years earlier and that since the 1990s, the managed-care industry—the same system that my medical-school professors had warned us about—had been increasingly limiting visits and reimbursements for talk therapy but not for drug treatment. It went on to say that in 2005 alone, pharmaceutical companies spent $4.2 billion on direct-to-consumer advertising and $7.2 billion on promotion to physicians—nearly twice what they spent on research and development.
Of course, it’s a lot easier—and quicker—to swallow a pill than to do the heavy lifting of looking inside yourself. And I had nothing against patients using medication to feel better. Just the opposite; I was, in fact, a strong believer in the tremendous good it often did in the right situations. But did 26 percent of the general population in this country really need to be on psychiatric medications? After all, it wasn’t that psychotherapy didn’t work. It was that it didn’t work fast enough for today’s patients, who were now, tellingly, called “consumers.”
There was an unspoken irony to all of this. People wanted a speedy solution to their problems, but what if their moods had been driven down in the first place by the hurried pace of their lives? They imagined that they were rushing now in order to savor their lives later, but so often, later never came. The psychoanalyst Erich Fromm had made this point more than fifty years earlier: “Modern man thinks he loses something—time—when he does not do things quickly; yet he does not know what to do with the time he gains except kill it.”

feeling angry and alone.

To be sure, these comments are meant to comfort, but they’re also a way of protecting the speakers from the uncomfortable feelings that somebody else’s bad situation stirs up. Platitudes like these make a terrible
circumstance more palatable for the person saying the words but leave the person experiencing the adversity

I don’t have to take any action because I’m worthless.

none of us can love and be loved without the possibility of loss but that there’s a difference between knowledge and terror.

It’s common for people with traumatic histories to expect disaster just around the corner. Instead of leaning into the goodness that comes their way, they become hypervigilant, always waiting for something to go wrong.