The Fantastic Book of Everybody's Secrets

‘ADULTERERS FALL INTO TWO CATEGORIES,’ SAID FLORA Gustavina. ‘Those who have a talent for making more than one person happy, and those who have a talent for making more than one person miserable.’

To murder an enemy is a dimwit’s revenge. If he is dead, he cannot suffer, and if he is not suffering, you’ve failed.

HERE OUGHT TO BE A WORD TO DESCRIBE THE PERSON WE most wish we had never met. I won’t invent one – I shudder at the thought – but somebody should, so that we know to expect that person in our lives, even if they haven’t arrived yet. Such a word, such a concept, might help us to recognise them while there is still time to escape, before they h

THERE OUGHT TO BE A WORD TO DESCRIBE THE PERSON WE most wish we had never met. I won’t invent one – I shudder at the thought – but somebody should, so that we know to expect that person in our lives, even if they haven’t arrived yet. Such a word, such a concept, might help us to recognise them while there is still time to escape, before they have shattered our calm and orderly existence.

adultery isn’t about dissatisfaction with one’s partner. It’s about appetites.

Nobody’s mind works in the same strange way that mine does. When I figured this out, I stopped explaining my behaviour to people.

In my old life, I had friends who read Ben Okri and Adam Thorpe and Don DeLillo, but they all lost interest in me after I was sacked.

After I gave up my job – after it gave me up, rather

Perhaps Flora would forget about her plan to become the first television evangelist for the church of the one-night stand.

He craves external validation. He was too successful too soon, and you know what it’s like – the maintenance of success begins to feel like failure. Plus everyone assumes he knows how successful he is, so noone tells him.