Rolodex of Hate

You live in Canada; the poor thing will probably freeze to death before he’s housebroken. (FYI, you’re Canadian, I’m sure your government, and your very hot, very fuckable, very sane prime minister, have cheap prescription drugs available.)

Muah!

My last words will be “Not today, Satan.”

Speaking of reading, I’m also guessing that buying books is not on the table, what with you being in Kansas and all. Last time I was in Wichita, I asked a woman where the nearest Barnes & Noble was. She told me, “Phoenix.”

To learn etiquette, is actually learning how to see others, and respect them.

YIXING ZHANG

Yo, Hop Sing! I’d like a beef and broccoli with brown rice. And don’t be chintzy with the soy sauce.

BIANCA DEL RIO

Twenty-one and STILL never been laid? How is that possible? Mother Teresa was sucking dick by fifteen. And the lad was a leper. “Melts in your mouth, not your hands.”

Sex is funny and love is serious. And semen is hard to get out of your hair.

BIANCA DEL RIO

It’s more than creepy, it’s icky. If I want to hear from the dead, I’ll talk to my ex-boyfriend’s dick.

I, too, have no idea if there is a God or not. Maybe yes, maybe no. What I do know is that if I’m on my knees, I won’t be able to thank God because my mouth will be full.