Regretting You

He looks behind him and begins to back out of the driveway. I’m standing in the same spot, confused by our argument. I don’t even know what just happened. “Did we just break up? I can’t even tell!”

Miller presses on the brake and leans out his window. “No. We’re just having an argument.”

“Fine!”

I press my mouth against his shoulder and whisper, “I’ve only ever been with Chris.”
Jonah is deep inside me when he stops suddenly and pulls back. Our eyes meet, and he smiles. “I’ve only ever wanted to be with you.”

I feel a tear slide into my hair as I look up at him. “You’re right too,” I whisper. “I do love you.”
Jonah smiles. “I know you do. That’s why we’re naked.”
I laugh. He pulls me on top of him, and I realize as I look down at him that I’ve never felt like I belonged with another person more than I belong with Jonah Sullivan.

“It means people who make mistakes usually learn from them. That doesn’t make them hypocrites. It makes them experienced.”

I tilt my head. “Clara?”
“My future daughter. I’ve already named her. Still working on a boy name, though.”
I roll my eyes. “What if your future wife hates that name?”
He slides his hands up my neck and grips my cheeks. “You won’t.”

“I like you. A lot. Don’t get a complex.”
“Good,” Miller says. “I like you too.”
“Good,” I say in return.
“Good,” Jonah says, reminding us of his presence. “Project is due before the end of the semester. Get started.”

No matter how I felt about you, I would have never come between the two of you. I left because unlike Jenny and Chris, I had respect for them. For you. Please don’t ever call me selfish again, because that was the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make in my entire life.”

I laugh after swallowing my first bite and then peck him on his cheek. “It’s the best thing I’ve ever tasted.”
He grins. “Promise?”
I nod. Then I shake my head. “It’s second to how you taste after eating suckers.”

“You doing anything for your birthday tonight?”
I shrug. “It’s always been tradition to do family birthday dinners. But I guess that’s out. We barely have a family left.”

Nothing has changed in my life recently to explain this profound emptiness I’ve been feeling. Or maybe it has, and I’m just too afraid to notice it.