Improve Your Conversations

second method is to play free association with words and phrases. Free association is when you hear a word, then you come up with another word that the first word makes you think of. The second word can be anything, and the goal is to do this instantaneously.
For example, cat:dog, dog:puppy, puppy:paws, paws:fur, fur:allergies, allergies:medicine, medicine:nurses, nurses:doctors, doctors:plastic surgeon, plastic surgeon:fake lips, and so on. That was a free association word chain that began simply with the word cat.
How do you train this? Pick a word at random from a dictionary, and list out fifteen words in a free association word chain as quickly as possible. Then, do it again and again – verbally, because that will require the quickest thinking.

The first method is to take your favorite quick-witted television show with your remote in hand, because you’ll be pausing constantly. For example, 30 Rock, Gilmore Girls, or even Saturday Night Live. These are all good shows to use because there is a lot of witty banter, and direct and indirect jokes. They have the type of dialogue we want to be able to create ourselves.
Now, pretend that you are one of the characters on the screen. It doesn’t matter who you are, as long as they have a lot of interaction with other characters. Then, when other characters reply to your character on screen, pause the show and construct your own reply. This is going to train your ability to think through different circumstances and come up with replies.

Where yes, AND allows you to respond in instances where you can agree and discuss freely, yes, really? is for situations where you want to disagree mightily. It’s more effective because it softens the negative impact, and also attempts to find common ground and understanding.

instances where you find it difficult to agree with the sentiment of people’s words, substitute “Yes, AND…” with “Yes, really?”

Here is the yes, AND reply: “Yeah, it’s pretty great. I love mushrooms too, but never sardines.” See how the sentiment is agreed with and expanded upon? The expansion wasn’t directly about pepperonis, but added to the conversation nonetheless. It shows your conversation partner that you’re on the same page as them by taking them deeper into the topic, no matter how shallow, that they brought up. You display a willingness to engage on anything. Instead of walling off a conversation, highlight your emotional engagement in the other person by adding to it.

Note that you don’t need an explicit fact about health insurance, you just need an additional comment on the general topic. This means you don’t actually need to know much about the topics presented, you just need to be able to give a general statement which is far easier. This version of the response is by far the most superior, because it actually spurs on the conversation and doesn’t stop it dead in its tracks like the other responses.

Did their laugh die quickly? Did they ask additional questions about the man? Did they give a polite smile and immediately change the subject?

How many people can you name that can do passable, if not flat-out hilarious, impersonations of Janet Reno, George W. Bush, Alex Trebek, and Robert Goulet?

It boils down to this: if someone conveys that they are angry and we completely miss it, an awkward and uncomfortable situation arises. When this happens frequently enough, people will tend to avoid you. If you can accurate catch the emotions people are conveying, even though they may not be saying it explicitly, they will feel that you understand them better and be more drawn to you.

If we’re in the dark about people’s emotional states, it’s up to us to pay attention to others to try to ascertain how they feel about topics, stories, and the conversation itself. We need to look beyond the mere words people speak and at the circumstances to gauge their feelings.