Martha Beck

“Melvin,” I said, “relax. I don’t grade on a curve. Just tell me everything you can remember about the best meal you ever had in your life.”

your social self watches to make sure the feeling is reciprocal before allowing you to stand underneath your beloved’s window singing serenades.

the vast majority of us put other people in charge of charting our course through life. We never even consult our own navigational equipment; instead, we steer our lives according to the instructions of people who have no idea how to find our North Stars.

anything that won social approval.

Whatever you learned to be, you’re still learning

contrary to our core desires.

internal conflict is a way of life

You, for example, are not one of them.

How do I know? Because if you were totally dominated by your essential self, you wouldn’t be reading this.

To find your North Star, you must teach your social self to relax and back off.

All of this is just to say that if you push far enough toward any extreme, you eventually reach its opposite.