Matthew McKay

What’s important to know right now is that trying to stop your feelings doesn’t work

Often this is the hardest step—remembering that you want to change—especially when you’re feeling overwhelmed by your emotions

When you do, it’s usually an indicator that something is happening that’s going to require you to make a choice: either you’ll act impulsively and do what you normally do or you’ll use one of the coping skills in this book and do something differently.

Often, when a person is in pain, his or her first reaction is to get angry or upset or to blame someone for causing the pain in the first place. But, unfortunately, no matter whom you blame for your distress, your pain still exists and you continue to suffer. In fact, in some cases, the angrier you get, the worse your pain will feel

By getting angry and thinking that a situation should never have happened, you’re missing the point that it did happen and that you have to deal with it.

could have (1) stopped what she was doing and taken a few breaths to relax, (2) evaluated the situation and recognized that she was very upset, (3) set an intention to use a distress tolerance skill to help her relax, and then (4) taken action by screaming into a pillow and going outside for a long walk

hidden underneath your overwhelming emotions is a caring, loving person who is capable of handling a distressing situation in a healthier way

Sometimes there’s very little relationship between the strength of a negative emotion and any real-life problem, threat, or failure