St. Martin's Publishing Group

She was right to be worried. Frankly, to use late 1980s terminology, I was gagging for it. Like most teenagers, I was desperate to lose my virginity. However, I already had a lover that made me look pregnant but actually ensured that I would never, ever become a teenage pregnancy statistic: Food.

I’ll decide whether or not to go later

Well, I’ve felt really achy (probably angina not flu) so I wasn’t going to go to the party.

Harry, did you do that out of sympathy

Told her all about the weekend and she said Harry sounded like a wanker. I said, ‘OH MY GOD, WHY?’ She said, ‘He said he snogged you partly out of sympathy, Rae?? You don’t need some public schoolboy’s sympathy! You are one of the funniest, sweetest people I have ever known.’ I said, ‘He didn’t mean it like that,’ and she was like, ‘How did he mean it, then????’ I’m sure he didn’t. I love Mort