Ambrose Bierce

Item connotes an aggregate of which it is a unit – one thing of many.

we can say the week last past. But will we?

Laundry
Meaning a place where clothing is washed, this word cannot mean, also, clothing sent there to be washed.

ENTHUSIASM, n. A distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward applications of experience. Byron, who recovered long enough to call it "entuzy-muzy," had a relapse, which carried him off—to Missolonghi.

EXHORT, v.t. In religious affairs, to put the conscience of another upon the spit and roast it to a nut-brown discomfort

FAIRY, n. A creature, variously fashioned and endowed, that formerly inhabited the meadows and forests. It was nocturnal in its habits, and somewhat addicted to dancing and the theft of children

FAITH, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel

FAMOUS, adj. Conspicuously miserable

FORK, n. An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth. Formerly the knife was employed for this purpose, and by many worthy persons is still thought to have many advantages over the other tool, which, however, they do not altogether reject, but use to assist in charging the knife. The immunity of these persons from swift and awful death is one of the most striking proofs of God's mercy to those that hate Him.

FUTURE, n. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured