Kim Addonizio

Soon

I’ll drive home alone, weeping and raging,

the radio twisted high as I can stand it—

or else I’ll lean toward you, and tell you

any lie I think will bring you back.

And if you’re reading this, it’s been years

since then, and everything’s too late

the way it always is in songs like this,

the way it always is.

Already I’m forgetting what felt

like a great love, forgetting that world

which for the short while I lived there

had me fooled into believing

it was the only world

So don’t pretend

you’re glad when your old friends

get lucky in work, or love,

while you’re still drifting through life

like a lobster in a restaurant tank. Go on,

admit it: you’d claw them to death

if you could

If only the river would surge into the streets,

if only a tree would uproot itself

or the roof fly off in a funnel of black wind.

Such is my life: A minute ago I was happy,

immersed in a book. Now I feel a misery

only violence could cure

I have to discover

what it is I want

and who I’m going to have to hurt to get it

The body has no thoughts.

The body soaks up love like a paper towel

and is still dry.

Gee, remember wandering around the golf course

hallucinating in the middle of the night,