Jeffrey Pfeffer

So stop focusing on trying to figure out who you are. Instead, focus on who your allies and potential allies are. Become a student of the people whose support you need. The sooner you do, the faster you will develop the information and insights necessary for strategically building the alliances you need to succeed.

Here’s one problem with pursuing the goal of being liked: you may be seen as less competent.

Robert Cialdini’s advice in a conversation with me is to first demonstrate competence. Then, if and when you show warmth, people will not see it as a sign of weakness but as something unexpected from a person with power.

The first recommendation about showing up in a powerful way: don’t use notes or a lot of other props or cues, particularly things that would cause you not to make eye contact with the person or people you are speaking with.

A recent meta-analysis of sixty-nine studies concluded that, compared to people with average attractiveness, highly attractive individuals earn 20 percent more and are recommended for promotion more frequently.19 One reason for this relationship: attractive individuals possess a small advantage in human capital and a larger advantage in social capital, in part because of their increased visibility and the greater willingness of others to provide mentorship and advice.